dancinbutterfly: (Entourage - Victory)
HI! I SENT IN MY [livejournal.com profile] bandombigbang! It is NOT the Hunger Games AU. That isnt finished. That will either be wave 2 or 3 because it has a long way to go content wise and I want it ready. But. It's done. It's turned in. I can't believe I wrote it, to be honest. If you dont know I've written it? I dare you to guess which is mine when claiming goes live. If you know, shhh. Dont spoil. If you dont? Seriously. Guess. *flop* Whatever. It's sent in, long before the deadline. *blows on finger guns* Boom. I refuse to miss a BBB yall. Refuse.
dancinbutterfly: (Entourage - Victory)
HI! I SENT IN MY [livejournal.com profile] bandombigbang! It is NOT the Hunger Games AU. That isnt finished. That will either be wave 2 or 3 because it has a long way to go content wise and I want it ready. But. It's done. It's turned in. I can't believe I wrote it, to be honest. If you dont know I've written it? I dare you to guess which is mine when claiming goes live. If you know, shhh. Dont spoil. If you dont? Seriously. Guess. *flop* Whatever. It's sent in, long before the deadline. *blows on finger guns* Boom. I refuse to miss a BBB yall. Refuse.
dancinbutterfly: (Gone With The Wind)
So, lots going on! Yesterday Mom and I dropped the car off at our auto body place. Yes, so many wrecks that we have a PLACE. Since that's the case they know us and they're the cheapest and we're repeaters so they dont screw us because they want us to keep coming back. We havent got an estimate yet but its where we went last time and its a smaller fix so it should be less knock wood.

I'm still working my desk job at the treatment center. I make less than 100 bucks a week but that should help. In addition, my mom's started giving me a weekly allowance. Yes that makes me feel like a teenager. Do I care? NO. Money is money and it all goes to me getting my feet under me.

On the psychiatric and medically - I've lost 18 lbs thanks to portion control and hydration(64oz+ of water a day. Yeah, I dare you to get used to that. First month its like taking another medicine)! I'm getting back to exercising a little at a time so thats helping too. My anxiety level is still VERY high for no reason which physically and emotionally exhausting but I'm talking to my doctor about that on Friday but the skills I'm learning in DBT are finally starting to CLICK in my brain. Does that mean the crazy and the depression have eased up? No. What it means is? I've got coping skills - d. The paintings still amazing, doing ceramics at treatment is still mega satisfying and on top of that I've started drawing a lot when in crisis situations. Also I've been making beaded jewelry. It's like my artistic side was in hibernation for fifteen years and its finally woken up. I'm also spending a lot of time outside with my friend from treatment J, watching Spartacus and generally having a causal good time which falls under the treatment umbrella because I'm isolating less and working on socializing.

On the writing side - the Victor!Frank/Victor!Gerard, Stylist!Pete/Tribute!Patrick Hunger Games AU broke 30,000 words yesterday afternoon. It's the first time I've done different POVs in one story since Prisonverse and I forgot how much I liked it. 3 weeks until [livejournal.com profile] bandombigbang rough drafts are due and as god is my witness? I'm going to have a rough draft which I would bet dollars to donuts will be at least another 20,000 MINIMUM not counting all the scenes I have to leave out to get first draft in on time. It's going to be full of (Scene where ____ happens) so that I can get it turned in but this will happen. See this *points at face* this is my determination face. It's going to get done you guys. As God is my witness, as God is my witness they're not going to lick me. I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never miss a [livejournal.com profile] bandombigbang! I've even used my Gone with the Wind icon to make the point and everything.

Anyway, things arent perfect. However, with the Giving House covering the car and the knowledge that I can talk to my doctor about the physical anxiety and the art to take the place of eating my feelings and the fic to take the rest of my attention. Progress though!
dancinbutterfly: (Gone With The Wind)
So, lots going on! Yesterday Mom and I dropped the car off at our auto body place. Yes, so many wrecks that we have a PLACE. Since that's the case they know us and they're the cheapest and we're repeaters so they dont screw us because they want us to keep coming back. We havent got an estimate yet but its where we went last time and its a smaller fix so it should be less knock wood.

I'm still working my desk job at the treatment center. I make less than 100 bucks a week but that should help. In addition, my mom's started giving me a weekly allowance. Yes that makes me feel like a teenager. Do I care? NO. Money is money and it all goes to me getting my feet under me.

On the psychiatric and medically - I've lost 18 lbs thanks to portion control and hydration(64oz+ of water a day. Yeah, I dare you to get used to that. First month its like taking another medicine)! I'm getting back to exercising a little at a time so thats helping too. My anxiety level is still VERY high for no reason which physically and emotionally exhausting but I'm talking to my doctor about that on Friday but the skills I'm learning in DBT are finally starting to CLICK in my brain. Does that mean the crazy and the depression have eased up? No. What it means is? I've got coping skills - d. The paintings still amazing, doing ceramics at treatment is still mega satisfying and on top of that I've started drawing a lot when in crisis situations. Also I've been making beaded jewelry. It's like my artistic side was in hibernation for fifteen years and its finally woken up. I'm also spending a lot of time outside with my friend from treatment J, watching Spartacus and generally having a causal good time which falls under the treatment umbrella because I'm isolating less and working on socializing.

On the writing side - the Victor!Frank/Victor!Gerard, Stylist!Pete/Tribute!Patrick Hunger Games AU broke 30,000 words yesterday afternoon. It's the first time I've done different POVs in one story since Prisonverse and I forgot how much I liked it. 3 weeks until [livejournal.com profile] bandombigbang rough drafts are due and as god is my witness? I'm going to have a rough draft which I would bet dollars to donuts will be at least another 20,000 MINIMUM not counting all the scenes I have to leave out to get first draft in on time. It's going to be full of (Scene where ____ happens) so that I can get it turned in but this will happen. See this *points at face* this is my determination face. It's going to get done you guys. As God is my witness, as God is my witness they're not going to lick me. I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never miss a [livejournal.com profile] bandombigbang! I've even used my Gone with the Wind icon to make the point and everything.

Anyway, things arent perfect. However, with the Giving House covering the car and the knowledge that I can talk to my doctor about the physical anxiety and the art to take the place of eating my feelings and the fic to take the rest of my attention. Progress though!
dancinbutterfly: (Farscape - Save Me -John)
My real life is both exploding and imploding simultaneously. It's one of those things. I put it under a cut because it deals with 1) depression 2)anxiety 3)car wrecks and 4)financial crises that seem to never ever end 5)my issues with my father and not everyone wants to read that crap. )

Anyway, the bottom line of all the above is that I have no idea what the next right thing to do is. None. I think that for tonight and tomorrow, I'm keep just going to treatment. Go to art. Eat.

I'm also going to keep writing this Hunger Games/Bandom fusion story I started a couple weeks ago. It has the POVs of Tribute, Mentor and Stylist and just keeps growing. It's Pete/Patrick for one of my payback people and it's Frank/Gerard because they decided they wanted to be in love all over the story which is making me happy. Meanwhile the state of Panem and the basic plot of the games is as grim as my life feels right now which is cathartic.

Besides, it's going to be my BBB if I keep at this rate and that's something to feel good about in this mess, right? Hell if I have to, I may separate it into the pre-games and the games for waves 1 and 2. After all, I have 21,000 words already and the interviews havent started so I could at least do that.

That's my plan for the next 2 days. Just, get through them. Figure out the rest after I see my doctor and counselor. Until then - distract and power through.
dancinbutterfly: (Farscape - Save Me -John)
My real life is both exploding and imploding simultaneously. It's one of those things. I put it under a cut because it deals with 1) depression 2)anxiety 3)car wrecks and 4)financial crises that seem to never ever end 5)my issues with my father and not everyone wants to read that crap. )

Anyway, the bottom line of all the above is that I have no idea what the next right thing to do is. None. I think that for tonight and tomorrow, I'm keep just going to treatment. Go to art. Eat.

I'm also going to keep writing this Hunger Games/Bandom fusion story I started a couple weeks ago. It has the POVs of Tribute, Mentor and Stylist and just keeps growing. It's Pete/Patrick for one of my payback people and it's Frank/Gerard because they decided they wanted to be in love all over the story which is making me happy. Meanwhile the state of Panem and the basic plot of the games is as grim as my life feels right now which is cathartic.

Besides, it's going to be my BBB if I keep at this rate and that's something to feel good about in this mess, right? Hell if I have to, I may separate it into the pre-games and the games for waves 1 and 2. After all, I have 21,000 words already and the interviews havent started so I could at least do that.

That's my plan for the next 2 days. Just, get through them. Figure out the rest after I see my doctor and counselor. Until then - distract and power through.
dancinbutterfly: (Default)
So, real life seems to have consumed my usual sources for assistance in the betaing area. Totally understandable but good lord I'm in a slight panic at the moment.

If anyone can lend a hand and do an emergency "there arent enough hours in the day" beta - I'd be extra grateful. Grovel at your feet grateful in fact. The story is about ~20K, in the Prisonverse and my posting date is Sept 2.

*puppy eyes*

Please? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
dancinbutterfly: (Default)
So, real life seems to have consumed my usual sources for assistance in the betaing area. Totally understandable but good lord I'm in a slight panic at the moment.

If anyone can lend a hand and do an emergency "there arent enough hours in the day" beta - I'd be extra grateful. Grovel at your feet grateful in fact. The story is about ~20K, in the Prisonverse and my posting date is Sept 2.

*puppy eyes*

Please? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
dancinbutterfly: (Entourage - Victory)
and I have accomplished my goal of getting my damn BBB finished enough to where I can mail it off. ITS THE TISHA B'AV MIRACLE! Okay, Tisha B'av was like, 4 days ago and its a freaking tragic holiday commemerating ALL THE JEWISH PEOPLES TRAGEDIES (and we have lots and lots yall) but whatever. It's the only holiday we've got until the High Holy Days in September/October.

Whatever. I got it finished and am sending it off. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY. Now I get to do this!

Prisonverse!Sequel


19575 / 10000 words. 196% done!
dancinbutterfly: (Entourage - Victory)
and I have accomplished my goal of getting my damn BBB finished enough to where I can mail it off. ITS THE TISHA B'AV MIRACLE! Okay, Tisha B'av was like, 4 days ago and its a freaking tragic holiday commemerating ALL THE JEWISH PEOPLES TRAGEDIES (and we have lots and lots yall) but whatever. It's the only holiday we've got until the High Holy Days in September/October.

Whatever. I got it finished and am sending it off. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY. Now I get to do this!

Prisonverse!Sequel


19575 / 10000 words. 196% done!

WHEEE!

Jun. 3rd, 2011 05:20 pm
dancinbutterfly: (*Icons with my face - Gerard)
I got a posting date! It gives me time to clean up my messy BBB but more importantly - I GOT MY ART AND MIXES!

THEY ARE SO AWESOME! AAAH! THE MIXES ARE SO CLEVER AND WELL THOUGHT OUT AND THE ART! OH MY GOD! THE ART! I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL MY POSTING DATE BECAUSE THE POST I WILL MAKE ABOUT MY ART WILL BE EPIC! EPIC!

Anyway, the parental unit is going out of town and I am dog sitting/have the house to myself. That should be...um...interesting. What are you guys up to this week/end?

WHEEE!

Jun. 3rd, 2011 05:20 pm
dancinbutterfly: (*Icons with my face - Gerard)
I got a posting date! It gives me time to clean up my messy BBB but more importantly - I GOT MY ART AND MIXES!

THEY ARE SO AWESOME! AAAH! THE MIXES ARE SO CLEVER AND WELL THOUGHT OUT AND THE ART! OH MY GOD! THE ART! I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL MY POSTING DATE BECAUSE THE POST I WILL MAKE ABOUT MY ART WILL BE EPIC! EPIC!

Anyway, the parental unit is going out of town and I am dog sitting/have the house to myself. That should be...um...interesting. What are you guys up to this week/end?
dancinbutterfly: (Entourage - Victory)
I HAVE SUBMITTED MY BBB AND MY BBB MIX! ALL THIS AND I WENT TO PATD TONIGHT AND GOT TO MEET A SPENCER SMITH! VICTORY! \o/

Also, I get to do this:
Waiting in the Sky


21801 / 20000 words. 109% done!

*does a dance*

Panic recap pictures and video tomorrow.
dancinbutterfly: (Entourage - Victory)
I HAVE SUBMITTED MY BBB AND MY BBB MIX! ALL THIS AND I WENT TO PATD TONIGHT AND GOT TO MEET A SPENCER SMITH! VICTORY! \o/

Also, I get to do this:
Waiting in the Sky


21801 / 20000 words. 109% done!

*does a dance*

Panic recap pictures and video tomorrow.
dancinbutterfly: (Inglorious Basterds - Eli)
This weekend was spectacular in a mellow way. My mom dragged me out to the pool twice. We had steak for dinner and I watched Robocop for the first time (holy shit balls so amazing that movie) while mom filled in on her own 80s experiences. We played scrabble. We went and saw Pirates of the Caribbean 4(if you've seen it - feel free to comment so we can talk about it). It was great. I loved it every moment and it was one of those A+ weekends of quiet familial goodness.

But now it's 3:30 in the morning I am not sleeping. That would be okay if I were working on my BBB. I'm not. I'm doing ANYTHING THAT IS NOT WORKING ON MY BBB.

For example? I'm listening to the Hostel I and II commentaries instead which - wtf, I HAVE NEVER EVEN SEEN THOSE MOVIES. I just love Eli Roth and his voice and his brain that much. I fell hard for him with hero worship with him when I met him at San Diego ComicCon '09. He was charming and smart and sexy as fuck and deliciously Jewish(which is one of my bulletproof weaknesses)and I love him. Seriously, I adore him as a human being but I dislike his movies. It's a thing. So, I'm listening to his commentaries instead. Why? Cuz I'm craving him and dont have Inglorious Basterds. But again, not what I need to be doing.

I need to be writing. Or sleeping. Or working on my BBB mix.

But no. Eli Roth and Tarantino talking about torture porn at o-dark-thirty. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME GUYS?!
dancinbutterfly: (Inglorious Basterds - Eli)
This weekend was spectacular in a mellow way. My mom dragged me out to the pool twice. We had steak for dinner and I watched Robocop for the first time (holy shit balls so amazing that movie) while mom filled in on her own 80s experiences. We played scrabble. We went and saw Pirates of the Caribbean 4(if you've seen it - feel free to comment so we can talk about it). It was great. I loved it every moment and it was one of those A+ weekends of quiet familial goodness.

But now it's 3:30 in the morning I am not sleeping. That would be okay if I were working on my BBB. I'm not. I'm doing ANYTHING THAT IS NOT WORKING ON MY BBB.

For example? I'm listening to the Hostel I and II commentaries instead which - wtf, I HAVE NEVER EVEN SEEN THOSE MOVIES. I just love Eli Roth and his voice and his brain that much. I fell hard for him with hero worship with him when I met him at San Diego ComicCon '09. He was charming and smart and sexy as fuck and deliciously Jewish(which is one of my bulletproof weaknesses)and I love him. Seriously, I adore him as a human being but I dislike his movies. It's a thing. So, I'm listening to his commentaries instead. Why? Cuz I'm craving him and dont have Inglorious Basterds. But again, not what I need to be doing.

I need to be writing. Or sleeping. Or working on my BBB mix.

But no. Eli Roth and Tarantino talking about torture porn at o-dark-thirty. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME GUYS?!
dancinbutterfly: (Yay! - Kermit the frog)
I have moved out of dorm. I've gotten everything packed away. I got approval from FSU to be a transit student so that I can finish my last 2 classes in Atlanta.

AND OH YEAH! I SENT IN MY BBB! \o/ Its got about 1K words of outline but dear lord. It's sent. It has a summary. All of the things are accomplished. I'm on vacation mofo!
dancinbutterfly: (Yay! - Kermit the frog)
I have moved out of dorm. I've gotten everything packed away. I got approval from FSU to be a transit student so that I can finish my last 2 classes in Atlanta.

AND OH YEAH! I SENT IN MY BBB! \o/ Its got about 1K words of outline but dear lord. It's sent. It has a summary. All of the things are accomplished. I'm on vacation mofo!
dancinbutterfly: (Yay! - Kermit the frog)
So, I went Passover shopping in Golders Green today after therapy. *flops* Omg, exhausting. Good exhausting, omnom matzoh ball soup mix and kosher meat and kiddush wine.

I AM HAVING SEDERS! There will be one Sunday evening and one Monday evening. Last years was EPIC and I dont know if I can live up to it. However, it is pretty much guaranteed to be awesome because its passover.

THIS IS AN OPEN INVITATION TO LONDON PEOPLE ON MY FLIST! PLEASE COME TO MY SEDER! I WANT YOU THERE.

There's a very important line in the Seder that says "Let all who are hungry come and eat." Well, to my beloved London people, Jews, Christians, Muslims, atheists, and believers in other faiths I am too tired to list - you are welcome. Please join me. I'm cooking up a storm and I want to feed you. I want you to make the my favorite holiday even more special by being my guest. Drop me a comment ASAP if you can come Sunday or Monday or both (time is negotiable once I know what people's schedules look like) so I can PM you information. YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY PASSOVER!


Also - I got movement on my BBB \o/ So I get to do this!

Waiting in the Sky


18235 / 20000 words. 91% done!
dancinbutterfly: (Yay! - Kermit the frog)
So, I went Passover shopping in Golders Green today after therapy. *flops* Omg, exhausting. Good exhausting, omnom matzoh ball soup mix and kosher meat and kiddush wine.

I AM HAVING SEDERS! There will be one Sunday evening and one Monday evening. Last years was EPIC and I dont know if I can live up to it. However, it is pretty much guaranteed to be awesome because its passover.

THIS IS AN OPEN INVITATION TO LONDON PEOPLE ON MY FLIST! PLEASE COME TO MY SEDER! I WANT YOU THERE.

There's a very important line in the Seder that says "Let all who are hungry come and eat." Well, to my beloved London people, Jews, Christians, Muslims, atheists, and believers in other faiths I am too tired to list - you are welcome. Please join me. I'm cooking up a storm and I want to feed you. I want you to make the my favorite holiday even more special by being my guest. Drop me a comment ASAP if you can come Sunday or Monday or both (time is negotiable once I know what people's schedules look like) so I can PM you information. YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY PASSOVER!


Also - I got movement on my BBB \o/ So I get to do this!

Waiting in the Sky


18235 / 20000 words. 91% done!

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